danse_etoile | [Journal Post - Private to Samasu Shikou]

You're viewing

danse_etoile's journal
Create a Dreamwidth Account Learn More

Reload page in style: site light

...

Can we meet somewhere, relatively in private?

I'd like to discuss a book by a senpai of mine, more a collection of essays. It's called L'Avenir.

And I think it's highly relevant to you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

observershikou

*just calmly reading through it. It is... fairly disquieting to see it all.

When he finishes it, he closes the book, calmly.*

... So, why bring this up to me? I want to hear your thoughts. Your view on why you're seeking me out specifically.

From:

danse_etoile

... I'm not sure. I've. Been talking to. Maybe learning. From Noriko.

I guess. I wanted someone to talk to, that might understand this roaring sense of standing over a cliff. I want to talk to my husband about it, but it feels. Outside his wheelhouse.

Is this true. Has. Mmm.

::Placing a hand on the side of her face, grimacing.::

It's this uneasy. Uncanny feeling.

Of feeling like you. Me. We're marching to scripts, and I'd been warned about falling into Fujiwara's 'script'.

I wanted. I guess.

To talk to someone, but the 'students', I'm not sure I can trust them to not be bound to say something. And felt. Maybe. You might be able to talk. Or understand. Or something.

And yet I feel frustrated.

Helpless. I'm tired of feeling frustrated. Helpless. Small. In the face of so much startling change. For what it means for me, my husband. My daughter...

::Laying her head down on the table, staring into space.::

I'm in my 30s and yet I feel as helpless as a little girl.

From:

observershikou

*... he finishes his tea, carefully setting the cup down.*

Honestly, you might be right. I might just be "marching to Fujiwara's script", no matter how much I've been trying to ignore it, ultimately.

I have a purpose-- but it's a purpose I'm not fond of at all. I don't want what's going to become associated with it, but others around me feel as though it's what I'll ultimately end up at.

And I try to think. I try to decide. Is there any way for me to really avoid it? I've attempted some methods to stave off what might be written there, but I worry at the same time... if I keep ignoring it, will someone else simply step up to the plate instead?

And sadly, it seems that answer is "yes", and it's someone I absolutely don't want to see do that.

But I guess the question for you, however, is what do you feel you should do, to not march to that script? If you had the power to decide anything, what would you be doing?

From:

danse_etoile

... I want to know. Twice in my life I've been manipulated. I lost my brother for a while because I was young and ignorant. I don't want to be some mad god queen. But. I want to not be ignorant. I want to have the ability to. Decide things to protect people.

But the knowledge feels like an ever darker ocean...

From:

observershikou

Of course it is. Knowledge. Power. Especially of this sort-- it's always a risk when you step into it. Wanting the power to protect yourself and your loved ones isn't a terrible thing, after all, and desire is perfectly healthy.

But it's human nature to not understand where the point of "too far" is. There will always be something more, something beyond the scope of what you can currently see... and people will ultimately feel like they may have wasted an opportunity, by not pursuing it, even if it's "too far".

But I think you do deserve the strength to be able to step up and protect those close to you, regardless of whether it's following the "script".

From:

danse_etoile

... Yes, and I'm not sure just listening to Noriko will entirely answer it. I'm not sure she can really. Teach anyone, what she learned down there. What my brother learned down there.

So. What should we do. I guess. I think I came here. To find. Direction.

From:

observershikou

To be honest, I may care deeply about Noriko... but I'd recommend not exposing yourself too often to her, anyway.

Her presence is bigger than she actively realizes at times, and it can influence others. A good first step is to try to minimize external influences that you, yourself, are not allowing to occur.

However... Depending on what you want to learn, maybe there are people out there who have had to learn such things through experience, instead of being born or chosen into having that power?